Losing Grandma...

Today I woke up to the shocking news that my grandma had passed in the night. Last I had heard before I went to bed is that she had gone into the hospital and was dehydrated, but was doing fine.  I found out that actually her cancer (from 23 years ago) had come back and within a few hours of verification of that she passed.

Living farther away has its drawbacks...I didn't get to say goodbye.  My heart is broken by this. However, all she has talked about my entire life is going home to be with Jesus...so I know she is dancing, worshipping, praising, and enjoying sweet reunion with family and friends.  But how we miss her already.

My mind has been rolling through so many memories today -
- Christmas lights - she always had a massive outdoor display
- the doll and lighthouse collections...
- her wonderful, meaningful hugs
- songs and whistling and unique voice
- stories of the "old days"
- her constant fascination with the rapture and the end times and daily praying for Jesus to come
- the house that was always the same.
- extra food always in the fridge to welcome her grandkids
- the same sights, smells, and friendliness
- her love in going the extra mile in loving us
- watching Disney movies as a child at her house
- Cinderella brings HUGE memories back
- when she introduced me to Oswald Chamber - My Utmost for His Highest as a teen and I just didn't understand it then, but this year it has become a life-line.
- without even finishing Jr High, she had learned bible study methods and taught me to read a whole book from the bible at once to get a better view of the whole book.
- how much Sae's heart for Jesus is like Grandma's!
- since I got married (interracial marriage) she added some african american dolls to her collection.
- the many sleepovers throughout the years that I had at her house and all the memories and conversations.



My heart hurts when I realize: 
- I will never be able to call her number and talk with her
- that someone else will live in her home and it will never be the same
- that I wont get one of her awesome hugs and love when I visit my family next
- I won't hear her passion for and encouragement to focus on Jesus & living with realness and not hypocrisy or legalism.

And I know it's just the beginning...we've walked this road of grief in losing our 2 last pregnancies and it never goes away.

This is grief for us - joy for her. These words were some of her favorites and were a huge comfort today.
  1 Corinthians 15:54 - 58

"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” “Where, O death, is your victory?    Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."